Nineteen Little Pictures (And The BIG Picture)

Several days in the life of my iPhone... Images filtered with PhotoStudio and Instagram.

Been a bit quiet as of late, but mostly putting up some archived drafts from the past few weeks with a nod here and there to current events and seemingly abrupt (but necessary) life shifts.

I've been figuring some things out and getting back to me, mostly... Getting centered and examining the things that are important, the pieces that were missing, broken or misplaced in the shuffle of the last few years and getting real about what I need to do to complete the picture of my life as I plan to live, celebrate and share it.

I've had excellent guidance from family, friends (as well as from prayer) and have had much to consider, reflect upon, forgive, forget, remember and carry as lessons in what a very knowledgable author once called "Life School".  That said, I know that we can't look to others to heal us and answer all of our questions.  We have to decide to heal ourselves and can only work with those we know and trust.  In that, we must accept the counsel of those who can see through us and even tell us things we oftentimes don't want to hear (but know is true).  I'm extremely blessed that such folks have seemed to arrive (as if on cue) at the precise moment when I've needed to share difficult feelings, accept difficult realities and test my own motives, desires and courage when making (and living with) decisions that affect not only myself, but others.  I've also been given (and sit with) the knowledge that any new blessings that come my way will be a direct result of my being ready to identify and receive them with an open heart, a patient hand and a peaceful mind.

What I've gained from this time (so far) is this:  I'm a bold, creative spirit with much to share and I need to surround myself with people who appreciate that and plan to share their unique creativity (whatever it entails) with me.  I've learned (both from others and within myself) that I have grown tremendously over the past few years and deserve to be acknowledged by those who recognize that and continue to help me to grow (as I will surely help them).  I've come to see more and more evidence of how deeply loved I am by my family and and a diverse tapestry of trusted friends.  I've also learned that I deserve to be surrounded by those who want to be welcomed into that fold while equally sharing their own family and friends with me.  I've learned the power of my thoughts, words and actions and I see that I need to continue to surround myself with people who understand (and respect) the same properties in themselves.  Most importantly, I've learned that my heart is truly sacred and that I deserve to share it with those who only seek to share themselves with me in an equally honest, kind, loving, respectful and generous way.

Oh... and yes, I am working on sketches for new paintings.
In addition, there will be more vintage fun, cultural archaeology and creative photography soon.
Watch this space.  Don't worry... I won't disappoint any of you guys.  I got this.

Through The Past, Darkly... 1994

The Summer of 1994 was not a particularly good time for me.  I was twenty-one years old and though I certainly had my share of fun, I was dealing with a lot.  I had a lot of questions about my future, issues about personal identity, shifts in several of my close friendships, fears about what to do beyond the impending final year of college and a hefty measure of depression which really zapped my creative and personal energy.  The two things that usually proved to be good medicine for me were long drives and long walks... alone.  This was before everyone had cell phones, WiFi and iPhone apps to post their whereabouts and details on what they were eating, drinking or seeing at any given moment.  Once I left the house (failing a chance meeting with a friend or a visit to a pay phone) I was completely and utterly with myself... and sometimes with a camera or sketchbook.  

On this particular day, with my Yashica and a roll of Tri-X Pan in tow, I hopped into my cherry red 1987 Chevy Blazer and took off for the almost eerie weekday silence of Peapack-Gladstone.  I remember feeling very dark because I wasn't really able to focus on drawing or painting anything.  Basically, everything I tried to render or compose ended up being a complete mess.  Rather frighteningly, my perception, sense of space, proportion and color had all been stunted for a couple of months.  I remember telling close friends that I "felt like my hands had been taken off me" and I was determined to break this cycle.  I had always liked photography and found that when other materials and methods failed me, I was able to compose through a lens with relative ease.

Seventeen years later, I have complete recall of the way the shade on the sidewalk felt as well as the intensity of the sun's heat once I stepped out of the shadow of the row of stores.  I can feel the heaviness of the New Jersey Summer air and the thickness that comes when there is no movement in it whatsoever.  I also have the same feeling now that I had on that day for that gorgeous vintage Rexall Drugs sign.  My statement about that orange gem always was "If it goes missing, I don't know a thing about it!"  

As I crossed the street to shoot the photo below, I remember thinking that I had entered a 1950s time warp with the only thread to the 1990s being the large sign that says "FAX" in the window of the Copper Kettle Deli.

Taking a step back and looking at the world through a lens proved a wonderful method of therapy.  It helped me keep my eye nimble and sharpen my sensibilities while I worked to get other pieces of my life in order.  That Autumn, I returned for my senior year at Parsons with my attitude and energy lightened considerably.  Upon returning, almost immediately I found that my work got the blast of energy that it desperately needed, most notably with the use of color. 

Sometimes a separation from something we love is necessary, but a reunion is far better.

Darling Buds & Still Waters

Several Springtime spaces in two different places: Keyport and Peapack-Gladstone, New Jersey.

April 2010.